“You have your hands full!” “Are they all yours?” “You do know how that happens, right?” “Are you starting a daycare?” “Are you done?” These and many other questions have been asked of me and other mothers who have been blessed with more than the national average of 2.5 kids. While many people are genuinely curious, there are enough people out there that ask with the intent to shame, or their words are laced with bitterness. They sneer or chuckle at us, ask inappropriate questions in front of our children, and why do they think this is OK? Why, because we have more than they think they could handle, do they believe that we can’t handle our children? WHY, because we have almost outgrown a normal minivan, do people believe they can talk about our intimate lives as if it’s a joke? No, really, what is it about having three or more children that baffles people into believing we are open for ridicule or speculation as to how we could even fathom caring for so many children?
My husband and I have four children when so many of our peers are just now having their first or considering a second child. So often, when I’m out and about with just the baby, I’m asked if she’s my first. When I clarify she’s my fourth, the looks range from amusement to horror. Many of my friends are stopping at two as my husband and I are still on the fence about number five. I tell you this with the risk of backlash and snide comments about how I have enough, but how is it anyone’s business but God’s on how many children he gives one family? So maybe you make one comment to one family, one mother, a mother that has probably heard that comment in some form or another every time she goes to the grocery store. What if someone commented on your hairstyle, whether it was a compliment or critical remark, EVERY TIME they saw you, don’t you think that would wear you down a bit? It’s exhausting to have to explain to everyone, while trying to show God’s grace and be respectful, kind, and polite, when what you really want to do is scream, “How is this any of your business?!” Some women are better at it than others, I’m not one of those women. I try and just smile and walk away because I don’t trust what may come out of my mouth. “But aren’t you tired?” Yes, of course I’m tired, but that makes me no less of a mother and no less able to handle my brood. If I wasn’t tired, I probably wouldn’t be doing my job correctly. Being a mother is HARD WORK! Does your job make you tired? Is anyone asking you to quit because it might be challenging? If your job was harmful to your health, yes, then you can expect people would be concerned with your continuing to work in said field, but just because a job wears you out, wouldn’t you continue to work in that field and overcome obstacles only to become better at that job? Motherhood is the same way! If my innards were falling out and my children were born with multiple problems and the pregnancies were fraught with complications, I would probably pause and consider why and decide to shut down the baby factory. However, if I’m enjoying my children, they are thriving, they are loved, housed, fed, clothed, and being cared for, heck, what’s one more to add to the fun?! “Isn’t it expensive?” It can be, yes, but we believe God provides. No, not in the, “We’re going to live off the system and handouts and become a burden on everyone we know,” type of provision, but we work, we save, we are frugal, we provide what our children need. Our children are not deprived BY ANY MEANS. There are many times when money is tight, especially since my husband is currently unemployed due to a circumstance completely out of his control. We are praying and seeking God’s guidance, we are looking for work for him, he is doing freelance jobs, he is making plans to go back to school, we do receive unemployment, we have other sources of income, and yet, we are often surprised by unsolicited gifts that help make our lives THAT MUCH easier. Just this week I was reading a post by a fellow large family mother that detailed the friendliness of a stranger by slipping her $20. That story was followed by many more comments and stories of blessings from strangers. That is God’s provision. Psalm 127:3-5 is a popular verse for those with large families, it is also used for a movement that I don’t myself align, but I will post it here because it is God’s Word, no matter how you interpret it, and it does spell out exactly how we should feel about our children. 3 Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. 4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. 5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court. (NIV) “They will not be put to shame when they contend to their opponents in court,” is a particularly interesting part to me, considering how often those with large families receive such shame, even from those who claim to be Christ’s followers. We can’t expect those who don’t know the scriptures to understand the Word and how it details numerous times God’s love for children, and so often how he blessed so many families with not riches, but children. Then why so often am I seeing Christian family members of large families exasperated at baby announcements, or mothers hesitant and scared to share their joyous news of pregnancy because of what their family or friends might say? Maybe you don’t feel that God’s plan for your family is to have a lot of children, that is TOTALLY FINE! Maybe you don’t feel you don’t want ANY children, again, that’s between YOU and GOD. So just as a single person gets tired of being asked if they’re dating someone, or a dating couple when they’re getting engaged, or a married couple gets questioned about when they’re planning to have children, so do large families get tired of being asked if they're done having children, or if they're all theirs, or if they know how babies are made. Personally, I look at my children and I think they're gorgeous and awesome and smart and adorable and how could I just stop producing such wonderful human beings? Plus, have y'all seen my handsome husband? It's a wonder we don't already have more!
1 Comment
Just a quick update about what's going on over here in my world.
We're surviving a busy month of VBS, cheer camp and practice, various YMCA activities, and just trying to get through a few gloomy, PNW days. I wanted to write a quick note about some stuff swirling around in my head and what my hopes and dreams are for this blog. If you watch my Instagram account you'll see that we have started some light homeschooling to prevent that summer slide but we'll be amping up more later in August. I'm hoping on here I can share what we're doing and our plans, frustrations, delights, etc. I'm still gathering curriculum, making plans, numerous library visits and reading everything I see on the homeschool FB groups (that's a whole lotta crazy but sooo inspiring!) I've been getting quite the heart makeover, as well. I've been really convicted in a lot of areas and hopefully the change will be seen in my posts and activities. I'm hoping I can write more about journeys that I'm taking and garner support from those who are like-minded. I'm not going to guarantee that people will agree with everything that I say but I've been feeling that I'm being led to make some waves in light of what's going on today's world. Well, I have to make this post quick because I'm typing with kiddos awake and around and I don't know what I was thinking trying to do anything but attending to my many/mini monsters. My hope is to start setting aside writing times to get some stuff out on a regular basis, but until then... STAY CRAZY! |
Why I writeWriting about what I think and do helps keep the craziness manageable. Archives
November 2019
Categories
All
DISCLOSURE: This site uses affiliate links. (What is an affiliate link?) I may earn a small commission for my endorsement, recommendation, testimonial, and/or link to any products or services from this website. Purchasing through an affiliate link does not cost more or less than purchasing through a non-affiliate link. Your purchases help support a myself and my family and ensure that I can continue to bring you fresh and exciting content. Thank you for your support.
PRIVACY POLICY: Never will I share your personal information with third parties. I am not responsible for republished content from this blog on other blogs or websites without our permission. This privacy policy is subject to change without notice and was last updated on February 3, 2017. If you have any questions, feel free to email me directly. |